I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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