Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
