I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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