Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
