I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
