oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
