I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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