I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
