I'm so fucking centered right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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