you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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