Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
