wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
