I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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