i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
