How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
