Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
