I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize