it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You pole danced in your parka.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
