She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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