she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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