Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
