so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
