i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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