Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
