Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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