I have demons in me.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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