im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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