yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
