On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
