Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
