She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
