Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
