Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
