I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
