I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
