i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
