So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
