Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
