He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
