While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
