also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
