I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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