If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
