I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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