you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
