The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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