boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
