Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
