I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
