now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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