I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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