Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
