How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
