I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
