so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
