I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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