Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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