Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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