if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
