I'm lost and stupid without you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
