i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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