At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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