I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
