I can text with my tongue
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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