guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
