I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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