sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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