Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
