Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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