Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
