Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
