i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You brought string cheese to the strip club
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
