sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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