dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
