My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it because I queefed?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review