Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

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(918): Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch. http://tfl.nu/cew3

Replies (14) Good night (4639) Bad night (1060)
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(904): View more from Florida

I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.

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(904): I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots. http://tfl.nu/ub1d

Replies (16) Good night (3455) Bad night (1301)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

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(410): Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem. http://tfl.nu/4xkw

Replies (34) Good night (828) Bad night (7185)
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(949): View more from California

I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

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(949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu

Replies (4) Good night (3179) Bad night (1078)
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(916): View more from California

she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?

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(916): she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now? http://tfl.nu/pv3x

Replies (4) Good night (788) Bad night (2622)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong

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(484): i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong http://tfl.nu/1mot

Replies (21) Good night (1371) Bad night (3924)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.

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(414): Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gfee

Replies (6) Good night (782) Bad night (1698)
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(360): View more from Washington

i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.

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(360): i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident. http://tfl.nu/ming

Replies (5) Good night (1976) Bad night (682)
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(904): View more from Florida

he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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(904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx

Replies (26) Good night (7470) Bad night (998)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.

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(313): Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins. http://tfl.nu/hjt3

Replies (8) Good night (697) Bad night (1593)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.

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(865): I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday. http://tfl.nu/q5oo

Replies (0) Good night (649) Bad night (352)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.

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(775): I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me. http://tfl.nu/o8pj

Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (324)
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(228): View more from Mississippi

He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing

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(228): He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/dsmd

Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (481)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Why is there puke in my guitar?

(860): View more from Connecticut

Because you puked in your guitar.

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(203): Why is there puke in my guitar? (860): Because you puked in your guitar. http://tfl.nu/mgzl

Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (713)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon

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(919): It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon http://tfl.nu/hhjh

Replies (0) Good night (250) Bad night (549)

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