i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
