Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?