woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka