Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
