Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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