Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
