Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
