you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
