I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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