remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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