he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
