I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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