My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
