would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
