shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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